Brad Pitt Ate My Sandwich

Kingsman: The Secret service

Director -  Matthew Vaughn

Stars -  Colin Firth, Taron Egerton, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Strong

Story -  Super secret spy organization that uses the names of the knights of the round table loses a member, and are looking  for a new recruit. Galahad had a recruit that died saving him, and left behind a young son, that he promises to help if he never needs it. Eggsy grows up to be smart young thug in London, who gets in a spot of trouble and Galahad appears to make it right

Eggsy is then recruited into the training program to become the next Kingsman. There are typical challenges that the group must face, the first challenge is kind of crazy, and he ends up in the final two.

During this we learn there is a businessman who is giving away sim cards to the world so they will have free phone calls and internet for the world. Of course this ends up being some secret evil plan to rule the world and our heroes are thrown in to save the world from the evil Russell Simmons plot.

What Did I think - What a fun movie! It was funny, irreverent, violent and just a good time all around.

My Boo really wanted to see this so this was our Valentines date yesterday along with some delicious Thai food. I was just meh about seeing it, but I am glad we did. It had an outrageous story, that reminded me about the outlandish plot points in the old Bond films. It was super violent, but in a comic book kind of way, nothing to take too serious. Great action, cool gadgets and even cute dogs, and every body in it was great.

It was great to see Colin Firth in fight scenes, and do something else other than being the poor shlub in a rom-com. The super cute Taron was great as our underdog hero, I hope we see much more of him. The swimming scene...WATCH My favorite performance was Samuel L. Jackson. He was hilarious and I am sure he used Russell Simmons as the basis for the character with his lisp, Buddha beads and the baseball caps. 

Snack & Bevies - Scotch eggs, a nice British ale and a smooth scotch to round out the night.

"What is a Butt Plug?"

50 Shades of Grey

Director -  Sam Taylor-Johnson

Stars -  Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Elosie Mumford, Max Martini

Story -  Mousie girl goes and interviews a billionaire for a friend and they both get hot for each other. The virginal Anastasia wants Mr. Grey, and he wants her, but in a different way. So they flirt, he takes her on a few dates, but has rules and wants her to sign a relationship contract. So he then makes Love to her instead of fucking her like he said he was going to. This is the part in the book where I stopped reading. Redick! Anyways, he shows her the ways of Bondage and the big bad red room, oooo so sexy(not really), but can she handle it...

What Did I think -Soooooo DUMB! The movie itself was not that bad, but it was so cheesy and so vanilla and pretty BORING!, and the dialog, "Laterz Babe"  PLEASE! 

I don't understand how you make this movie that millions of women want to see and we get no full frontal from the man? Now Jamie has a very nice ass, but come on. Dakota was buck ass naked while we just get a peek? No sense, but what do I know, is that what woman want, a little mystery. I will never know.

Maybe it was how creepy Mr. Grey was. The whole control thing is totally unappealing to me. The things he said to her, and that effing contract, no touching and I don't spend the night with anyone. And flying across country while she is visiting her mom, creeeeepy.

Bye Felicia!! Call Taylor and I will take him home. 

Acting was fine. Can't remember either one of them being in anything else, so I had no expectations. His accent was annoying, just like Amy Pohler said she hated when British actors talked when they were playing American. Watch - The joke is at :45.

See it just because, or not. Go with friends and add your own commentary. But do go get the soundtrack it's pretty dope. Earned It is my jam, right Celeste?

Snack & Bevies - A chocolate milkshake with 2 straws

" I love dogs"

Jupiter Ascending

Director - Andy and Lana Wachowski 

Stars -  Mila Kunis,Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne, Sean Bean

Story -  Jupiter is a cleaning lady who so happens to be reincarnated as the family sovereign of the Abrasax family, and the rightful heir as the owner of Earth. Now the three children of original mother all want her for different reasons as Earth is worth a lot more than any of the fortunes that he children have. So basically they want her dead so they can claim Earth for their own.

Space half wolf shows up to save/protect her, but he is just hoping that she will reinstate him into some galactic police force if he helps her. There is a kidnapping, a hand over to some sort of governing peeps who make her register as the reincarnated sovereign in a ode to the movie Brazil, weird but kind of cute.

All through this Jupiter just wants to do is go home to her boring life, but of course there is the big climatic battle and showdown

What Did I think -MEH is all I have to say. It wasn't horrible and it wasn't earth shattering. While the movie was beautiful,  true feast for the eyes, it was cheesy and predictable. 

All of the acting was fair. Mila was good in some scenes and in others she was overacting. Eddie Redmayne chewed all the scenery he could while he was on screen. Channing was pretty to look at, even though he looked like a buff Gelfling.

If you choose to see this, go in with no expectations and you will enjoy.

Snack & Bevies - Caramel Corn and a Frozen Coke

Movies from my couch: "She drinks tea in carriages and fucks men - Not Jerry Hickfang"

The Voices

Director -  Marjane Satrapi

Stars -  Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Arteton, Anna Kendrick, Jacki Weaver

Story -  Jerry Hichfang is a mild mannered small town factory worker that is just trying to make it in the world. We soon learn that Jerry has a office crush on the unlikable Fiona, while Lisa, another co-worker, has the hots for him.

Then there is Bosco and Mr. Whiskers, Jerry's pets who talk to him, dispensing advice and such. One is sweet the other psychotic.

He asks Fiona out on a date to Shi Shan, and she begrudgingly accepts. Fiona has no intention of going on the date, and stands him up to go sing Karaoke with the girls in accounting.

Their next meeting turns murderous. We soon learn that Jerry has had a rough life and the voices are not really those of his pets. He gets involved with Lisa and we think that all is well, but the excitement of a new romance gets the best of her.

What Did I think - I really liked this movie. Yes, it is crazy and the tone of it is a bit off whack, but it was a fun and awful story at the same time. It showed visually how the mind of someone that has been damaged by tragedy deals with everyday life, and what the drugs they take to make them "normal" affect them. There was a good mix of comedy, absurdity and realism that I enjoyed.

Ryan was really great in this. He played Jerry with tenderness and likability even though he does some horrible stuff. He also did the voices for the animals which were spot on. I totally enjoyed Mr.Whiskers Scottish delivery and Bosco's sweet cadence. Ryan continually impresses me in most things he does. He has shown his expertise, and is growing by leaps and bounds in his dramatic performances.

Gemma was great as the office sexpot that really is not a nice person.  Anna Kendrick was cute in this as the wide-eyed girl who has a huge crush on the lovable Jerry. I would have liked to see Jacki Weaver a little bit more in this as she is a fun actress with a unique delivery. 

So check this out if you see this while you are surfing the net or perusing your on demand service. It is a dark fun ride inside the mind of a sweet and lovable serial killer. 

Snack & Bevies - Go out and get some Chinese take out(PeiWei if you are like me) and your favorite bevie, then enjoy the ride.

"You can call me Chica whenever you want!"

blackhat

Director -  Michael Mann

Stars -  Viola Davis, Chris Hemsworth, Leehom Wang, Wei Tang

Story -  We start the story with someone hacking into a Chinese nuclear power plant and destroying the water pump that cools the fuel rods causing a major explosion and a near melt down. The Hacker then hacks into the stock exchange and pushes up the price of soy, stealing 75 million. China and US Government decide that they would be working better as a team than separate in finding out who this Hacker really is. 

We then meet Nick aka 'Thug Thor' in jail, and find out he is a Hacker that is serving a 15 year sentence. Long story short, he was the Chinese government investigator's roommate at MIT, and they wrote part of the code that the Hacker used. 

The rest of the movie is trying to find out the identity of the hacker and figuring out what his next act of terrorism would be. They travel the world, there is a romance and some people die.

What Did I think - Ummmm, not the best Michael Mann movie I have seen. With movies like, Manhunter, Heat and The Insider, I was expecting a way better movie. I think the story was OK, but the tension and action was not kept at a good pace to sustain the story all the way through. There was too much lag time between the action, and there were time where I just wanted to take a little nap until something happened.

Chris Helmworth who is dreamy and a great action actor, I think was miscast as one of the world's top Hacker's. It was weird that he knew how to fight and shoot a gun so comfortably when he was supposed to be this super geek.

Viola Davis however was wonderful, as usual. I think that she is slated to become one of the next great actors of our time. She made this movie tolerable as the hardened FBI agent that will do anything to find her man.

Leehom and Wei were good, but you could tell that English was not their first language which tends to make folks overact a bit.

My verdict is to skip this one and check out another flick by Mann. I suggest Manhunter!

Snack & Bevies - Pork Buns and Ginger Beer Fizz(Tsingtao and ginger beer)

Movies From my couch: "To bad she's our sister. She puts a boner in your wiener."

Tristesse Club "Fool Circle"

Director -Vincent Mariette

Stars -  Laurent Lafitte, Vincent Macaigne, Ludivine Sagnier

Story -   Two brothers get a phone call that their estranged father has died. They are total opposites and don't get along very well. One is a retired tennis pro that is separated from his family and the other an Internet dating service, that has no luck with the ladies. They journey to their hometown to attend the funeral and no one is there but Chloe, the sister they never knew about. Then they head to their childhood home to search for clues about their dad.

Things are not what they seem, and they soon learn that Chloe is not all she appears to be. Next they go on a hunt for their not dead father, as Chloe reveals that he is just missing. Some funny things happen, but then it gets a little sad. Things are revealed and mysteries solved.

What Did I think - My WonderTwin and I love us some French movies. We watch them separately most of the time and then live tweet (text) commentary to each other. We love Amelie, The Intouchables and especially Stranger by the Lake (it gave her a lady boner). So I found My French Film Festival on Apple TV this morning and decided to check out this flick based on the preview. It looked quirky and funny. 

Well it was alright, most of the funny parts were in the preview. It had some good parts, but overall I would say that it was average. 

The actors were good and believable in their roles. The story was good and kept me interested for the most part. The best part of the movie is when they went to their father's mistress' house. So if you come across this on TV or Netflix, you will have a few laughs and a heartwarming ending. 

Snack & Bevies - Buttery or chocolate croissants and an ice cold Kronenbourg beer 1669

RAPTOR ARMY!

Cant wait!!  Who's going to the midnight show with me?